We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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