I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
