We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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