how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My feet surprised me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
