How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
