Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
