she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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