Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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