Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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