there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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