I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
