Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
