It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
