Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
