38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
