Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
