Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
