she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
