ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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