fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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