Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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