Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
