Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
