i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
