i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
