omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
