FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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