Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
