just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
