I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
