Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize