She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
