absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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