So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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