Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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