I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
