and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
