maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
