My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
