The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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