the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
