At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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