That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize