I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
