Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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