He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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