I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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