She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
