my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
