Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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