sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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