I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize