I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
