woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
