There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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