So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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