I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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