I'm gonna have a badass scar
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
