just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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