his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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