dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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