This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
