Who wears a wallet chain?!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
