I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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