You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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