At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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