i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
