Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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