The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
420 ftw
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
