your room smells of hookers.
And success
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
this boner is exhausting
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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