spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
