the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
