So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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