i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
